Hello and welcome to a new episode of House Hunters Interdimensional.
This week we’ve got a wife and husband, Emily and Tom, who are looking to make the move from apartment living in Dublin to the lush Irish countryside. 
After a decade working as an accountant for a major global firm, Emily is ready to step away from the hectic pace of corporate life. Tom works in customer service and his role allows him to work from home.
Emily: “I’m looking for something intimate, but not small, like we’ve had to put up with in Dublin.”
Tom: “We’re hoping to start a family soon too, so space to grow is essential. Plus, we’ll want room for guests.”
Emily: “With rustic character and charm. Real rural living.”
Tom: “Close to amenities. I think it’s important that we’re at the heart of the community wherever we are.”
Emily: “And plenty of garden space, so we can plant vegetables. Maybe keep chickens. And bees. And…”
Tom: “Our budget is tight. We have savings but we’re going to only have one income…”
Emily: “…to start with. Until we can start selling vegetables of course.”
It sounds like our estate agent Claire Harrison is going to have her work cut out for her. Let’s see how they get on…
Property 1:
A traditional farmhouse, fifteen-minute drive will have you in the town centre and there is a converted cowshed at the rear of the property that was previously used for satanic rituals.
Emily: “I like how there’s a mud room before you come into the kitchen.”
Tom: “What’s this black, tacky stuff on the back wall here?”
Claire: “I wouldn’t go touching that.”
Emily: “The bathroom is nice, but there’s a kind of faint smell… like burnt matches or sulphur or…”
Emily: “Please don’t touch that black stuff.”
Tom: “Not ideal to have things growing out of the walls, especially if we’re going to have a toddler running about the place.”
Claire: “You could always plaster over it. It’s a fixer upper.”
Property 2:
A multi-spatial property that exists on many planes of existence simultaneously.
Tom: “I’m not sure about the Escher-style staircase. I don’t think I’d feel happy with the baby’s room being upstairs and downstairs at the same time.”
Claire: “You could always attach a stair-guard.”
Emily: “Personally, I’d prefer to have all of the floors in the same dimension at the same time. Maybe I’m old fashioned like that, but I don’t think I like the idea of coming home from the shops with groceries for the week only to find that the kitchen has suddenly moved forward in time and everything’s gone off.”
Tom: “Existing in multiple places at once would be great for working from home, though. Work-life balance. I think it could really help me separate the two.”
Property 3:
This charming cottage just off the town square comes in well under budget but does come with some existing tenants.
Claire: “Technically you’d be sub-letting from the previous tenants until they pass on fully, at which time the deeds would pass into your names.”
Emily: “I thought getting mortgage approval and buying a property in Ireland during a housing crisis would be enough of a horror story all by itself. I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with ghosts, too.”
Claire: “In this market, people are crying out for a house with history.”
Emily: “Maybe. But I’m not sure that I’m comfortable with the history still existing on the property.”
Tom: “Could be useful having some extra help around the house. Are poltergeists any good at folding laundry?”
Property 4:
This quaint family home has unexpectedly come on the market quite suddenly.
Emily: “I’m not crossing the threshold here. No. Let’s leave.”
Decision-time:
Tom: “The Escher house was quite nice. Modern, close to amenities.”
Emily: “The sub-let was definitely charming, but I’m not sure how I feel about living with the previous owners, especially if we’re trying to make it our own.”
Claire: “What about the last property you looked at? It will require extensive cleaning but it was a great price.”
Emily: “?!”
Tom: “Yeah, I think we can rule that one out.”
Three months later:
Tom: “This move was the best decision we’ve ever made. I’m delighted. Living with ghosts isn’t that bad at all. I feel like we’ve always belonged here.”
Emily: “And the lovely lady in Molly Murphy Solicitor’s was able to help with all of our queries about rights and title.”
Tom: “The previous owners haven’t had any problems at all with us putting our own stamp on things and have really proven quite helpful so far in many unexpected ways. Now that Emily is expecting they seem to have gotten particularly protective of her.”
Emily: “That feeling of someone watching over you, it took a bit of getting used to at the beginning, but I think I’d miss it now if they were gone.”
That’s all from House Hunters Intergalactic for this week.
Join us next time when we’ll be helping a young warlock from Carlow move out of home and find the perfect student pad near college.
Bye bye.
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Ken McGrath lives, with his wife, in an upsidedown house in Dublin, Ireland. His fiction has previously appeared in horror magazines and anthologies, such as Dark Descent: Whispers From Beyond, The Siren’s Call, Hyphenpunk and Tales From The Moonlit Path. You can find him online here https://kenmcgrathauthor.tumblr.com/ if you like.